Vacuum Impossible
by batman100
Summary: the Avengers scramble to handle a high-tech vacuum gone haywire, Stark proposes to Sif...and it turns out Sharon Carter has a HUGE surprise in store for Steve. Only one vital clue: Pregnancy.


**Vacuum Impossible**

"Loki, I've made up my mind: Akira from Virtua Fighter versus Galactus, that should **totally** be in the new Marvel vs Capcom game!" Banner cheered excitedly as he and Loki were strolling around the hallways of the Helicarrier

"Hmmm… you do have a point, Banner. But uh, wouldn't Galactus be a little **too** large? Just spitballing here." Loki pointed out as Banner helped himself to some eggnog

"Yeah, that's true. But again, those video game tech guys do tend to shrink down the size. Eggnog?" Banner asked, handing Loki a nice, steamed cup of holiday eggnog

"Hmmm…I don't know, I just got up from that holiday feast we had at Stark Tower this morning. My stomach's pretty much loaded." Loki answered, his stomach buds rumbling "Eh, why not" he said, taking a sip…

Meanwhile, Maria Hill was in the middle of cross-reading references when Cap was conveniently standing by the window

"Cap, can you come here for a second? I have a job for you." Maria asked as Cap stepped forward

"Is this about handling those storage crates again? Last time I did that, I wound up with a broken arm and Thor had to be in quarantine, muttering stuff incoherently." Cap confessed as Maria watched in amusement

"It's nothing like that, really. What my **original** job was, I need you and Stark to re-fuel the gas pumps again. They're starting to malfunction." Maria noted as Cap had a nervous look over the word 'gas fuel'.

"Uh…cant you get Quicksilver to do it?" Cap asked sheepishly

"Oh yeah…no. Even **if** he tried to do that, it would take a matter of twenty seconds before the fire in his hair burnt out. Also, he constantly whines about the fuel damaging his speed fuel…he doesn't even know whether gas or speed fuel are the same thing! That reminds me, where **is** he?" Maria asked, looking through the bridge area

"Oh um, I really shouldn't be telling you this…" Cap confessed as Maria looked at him

"Ugh, don't tell me he bribed you **again**. That's the fifteenth time in a row, since last week!" Mara groaned before regaining her senses "What did he do?"

"Um…remember that new hyperdrive vacuum cleaner you used for the holiday wreaths?" Cap asked sheepishly as his ears picked up the sounds of vacuum humming

"Yes, as I further recall, it took me five hours to get that tree stems out of it, because parts of the tree were conveniently right by where I was vacuuming. Why do you ask?" Maria stated before realizing… "He **didn't**."

"He **did** all right." Black Widow groaned as she limped toward them, her arm in a bandaged wrist, her hair covered with tree leaves, followed by Hawkeye with a piece of tree bark stuck in his hair, and several soot marks on his face

"What in tarnation **happened** to you?!" Selvig gasped, seeing the two master assassins' current state

"Well, let's just say Quicksilver is having a massive clean sweep frenzy with the new vacuum, and well, Sif, Thor, Hawkeye and I tried to catch him." Black Widow started before shouts were heard in the storage area

"AARGH! SHUT THAT THING OFF!" Coulson yelped in the hallway

"JUST HOLD ON! I'LL TRY FREEZING IT!" Thor hollered, grabbing a fire extinguisher

"WAIT…GAAAH! I CANT SEE!" Quicksilver shrieked, his face covered in snow, running in circles like crazy

"No further explanation needed, it's starting to make sense…" Selvig muttered

"Remind me again why did I use the rule that we use the new vaccum in case of an **emergency**?" Cap muttered sarcastically

"Believe me, I have no idea." Maria snorted, chugging a glass of vodka

"Hold on…is that **Heineken**?" Stark gasped, seeing what Maria was currently drinking

"Yep…it's whats for dinner. Or lunch, or breakfast. Or whatever humdrum bedlam…" Maria blubbered drunkenly, staggering off

"Memo to self: Put a pad lock on the Heineken and Guinness stash." Cap muttered

"Now that's good thinking." Stark replied, popping open a can of ginger ale

"Well, we **finally** shut the blasted contraption off." Thor groaned, limping in along with Sif and Coulson, both covered in soot marks and with bandages on their foreheads

"I don't believe this: We've been against Kang, Mephisto, the Absorbing Man, the Chitauri, even the Frost Giants…now we're getting our butts kicked by a lousy vacuum?!" Black Widow hissed

"That thing was **way** more powerful than the Chitauri…look what it did to my dress!" Sif snapped, revealing the tattered remains of her once-elegant and beautiful dress skirt

"…Erm, remind me to have Pepper sew that up for you." Stark offered, grimaced by the tatters

"That's not all that the machine absorbed. It managed to make off with chunks of my armor!" Thor replied, as parts of his masculine arm was seen through the briefly war-torn armpiece of his Asgardian armor

"Well…looks like we're gonna have to write a new check to the insurance company…" Fury groaned, writing a new check

"Want me to call Geico?" Hawkeye offered

"Make it fast." Stark responded, as he tended to Sif's skirt

"Oh and…order Domino's?" Hawkeye asked again

"Barton!" Black Widow hissed "Business before pleasure"

"Um, and hot women." Stark joked under his breath

"I heard that." Sif responded in a sultry voice

"Uh…will you marry me?" Stark asked, presenting Sif a wedding ring

"How in the heck can you do a marriage proposal at a situation like this?" Maria asked as Sif placed the ring on her finger

"You mean…*Mrs.* Stark?" Sif asked, her eyes wide with joy

"Oh brother…" Black Widow moaned, rolling her eyes as Sif embraced Stark, noticing several SHIELD agents applauding on the wedding proposal

"Well, never thought I'd see the day my own kind marrying a Midgardian." Thor said proudly as Stark and Sif kissed lovingly

"Um, can I be best man?" Cap proposed as Stark gave him a thumbs-up on that

"I suppose I have had experience as a maid of honor…" Black Widow noted, recalling her short work at a bridal shop in Cincinnati

"Um, Stark, you **do** realize that you have to meet my parents, right?" Thor asked as Stark looked back at him, aghast

"You mean…" Stark started

"Odin, the All-Father of Asgard himself. He will be **most** pleased of this joyous occasion." Loki finished, having seen the proposal

"Um…break out the champagne?" Selvig asked, popping open a bottle of Heineken

"You wanna celebrate a far-out wedding…be my guest." Fury responded, giving Stark a wink

"Oh this is gonna be good! The first Midgard-Asgard wedding!" Hawkeye blushed, with lovesick eyes

"How are we gonna tell this to **Pepper**?" Cap hissed at a starstruck Maria with visions of wedding gowns and white decorations

"Actually, Stevie, I meant to talk to you about that…" Pepper said, walking forward, wearing a short-skirt wedding dress

"*Pepper*?" Stark asked in astonishment

"*Stevie*?" Sharon Carter gasped, puzzled

"You two…in **love**?" Banner asked, trying to get the facts straight

"Bingo." Pepper asked, giggling as Cap smooched her on the cheek.

"What the… there is…not too…" Maria stammered, looking like she was about to faint

"Oh and **Stevie**, I have some important news…" Sharon started, whispering something in his ear

"Wh-what did he say?" Maria asked, looking dazed

"I'm pregnant." Sharon answered. Maria just stared in shock before keeling over

"…Oh boy." Loki groaned before moaning "I got a **bad** feeling about this…"


End file.
